Why You Don’t Have to Choose Between Being Firm and Being Empathetic as a Female Leader

In 2024, we’re seeing progress in gender diversity across Europe. On average, women now hold around 35% of senior management positions in the EU¹. However, there are still significant differences between countries and companies, and achieving truly balanced representation in executive roles remains a challenge. Luxembourg, for example, ranks among the lowest, with only 22% of leadership positions held by women² ³.

¹ Eurostat: Positions held by women in senior management (sdg_05_60), 2024 ² Grant Thornton: Women in Business 2024 Report ³ European Institute for Gender Equality (EIGE), 2024

In my coaching practice, women stepping into senior leadership roles often share that they’re expected to adopt behaviors typically associated with “masculine” leadership—or that they themselves struggle to maintain their femininity in these high-responsibility positions. This internal conflict frequently triggers tension in other life roles as well, such as being a mother or partner.

Sheryl Sandberg, former Chief Operating Officer of Facebook, famously stated that women in leadership often face double standards: they are expected to be both strong and compassionate, decisive yet empathetic. She said, “If we put enough women in leadership positions, we will finally balance the picture.” One of the greatest challenges is maintaining an authentic communication style in the swirl of masculine and feminine expectations.

This is supported by research from Alice Eagly and Linda Carli (2007), which revealed that women frequently adapt their communication style when navigating male-dominated leadership environments. Many opt for a deeper vocal tone and a more commanding style to avoid being seen as “too feminine” and to be treated as equals among male colleagues. Yet this strategy can easily backfire: overly “masculine” communication from women may be perceived as aggressive or untrustworthy, undermining their credibility and effectiveness.

The Velvety Voice of Steel – A Style That Comes from Within

Angela Merkel, former Chancellor of Germany, has often been cited as an example of restrained and pragmatic leadership. According to analyses by The New York Times and BBC, her unemotional and strategic communication style earned both praise and criticism. While some found her delivery distant and impersonal, it also allowed her to avoid many of the gendered stereotypes directed at female leaders—such as being seen as too emotional or overly empathetic.

Still, before choosing to emulate such a style, we must ask: How much of it truly reflects our own identity? Charisma and authority come from inner conviction. A communication style that is merely adopted for strategic reasons, rather than rooted in personal authenticity, can eventually lead to burnout, disconnection, and a loss of credibility.

As an executive communication and voice coach, I often observe the following patterns in women trying to meet the implicit expectations of “masculine” leadership:

Voice Deepening Many women speak below their natural vocal range to project a deeper tone. While this may appear more authoritative at first, it places strain on the vocal cords, often resulting in vocal fatigue, hoarseness, unclear articulation, or even chronic vocal damage.

Commanding Style Frequent use of imperative sentences and clipped phrases can seem powerful, but often comes across as controlling rather than commanding. It may generate fear among team members, reduce cooperation, and increase the likelihood of errors.

Rigid Posture A stiff, overly upright stance—what we might call "having swallowed a stick"—is often seen as a sign of anxiety and inner tension, rather than true confidence. Over time, it can also lead to serious muscle and joint pain.

Find Your Own Voice

Simone de Beauvoir’s famous quote – “One is not born, but rather becomes, a woman” – reminds us that womanhood is not an automatic given, but a dynamic experience shaped over time. The same is true for leadership. While some people are naturally drawn to lead, developing an authentic leadership style is often a conscious and evolving process—and a vital part of that is owning your leadership voice.

It’s similar to the work of a sound engineer during a live concert: the goal is to carefully adjust tone, volume, and rhythm to achieve harmony. A credible and compelling leadership voice is the result of deliberate calibration—both in sound and presence.

Here are a few practical techniques to build vocal confidence and executive presence:

Depth and Stability Use your mid-range vocal register naturally and comfortably—not artificially. It radiates confidence and fosters trust.

Volume and Dynamics A consistent moderate volume throughout your message reflects steadiness, while slightly increasing the volume at key points grabs attention and emphasizes your message.

Intonation and Emotional Charge Controlled, even intonation—especially downward inflection at the end of sentences—signals clarity and confidence. A voice that is calm yet emotionally engaged can be deeply inspiring and motivating.

Collaborative Communication This conscious form of communication expresses ideas, expectations, and emotions while considering the other person’s perspective. It promotes mutual respect, partnership, and trust—key foundations of effective teamwork.

You Already Carry the Velvety Voice of Steel

I believe we all carry both feminine and masculine qualities within us. The key is to find the internal balance that allows us to use them intentionally and adaptively. Ask yourself:

What is my voice?

• What kind of voice do I want to lead with?

• How does that voice reflect my company’s mission, values, and culture?

Simon Sinek’s Golden Circle model can offer helpful guidance on this journey. If you can align your Why, How, and What with your authentic, emotionally grounded voice, you won’t just lead—you’ll inspire.

That’s what the velvety voice of steel is all about: a voice that is confident without being rigid, powerful without sacrificing warmth. A voice that leads from the inside out.

If this topic has piqued your interest, let’s connect!